I Thought Forgiveness Was a One-Time Thing

I thought forgiveness was going to be like deleting an email. 
One click. Boom. Gone.

Instead, it turned out to be more like canceling a gym membership — a thousand hoops to jump through, no clear instructions, and even after you think it’s done… surprise! It’s back again next month.

I figured I’d forgive myself once, maybe twice for the same thing, and then move on. 
Spoiler alert: I’ve forgiven myself for the same thing at least 147 times. Just this year.

Sometimes I think I’ve let it go. I feel free. Light. Evolved. 
And then I find myself staring into the fridge like it’s a time machine, thinking about a mistake I made in 2008. And there it is again — that same old shame, just wearing new clothes.

Forgiveness, I’ve learned, isn’t a one-time event. 
It’s a daily practice. 
Like brushing your teeth, or drinking enough water, or trying not to cuss at bad drivers.

Especially when it comes to forgiving yourself.

Because nobody else hears the way you talk to you. 
Nobody else sits front row for the highlight reel of every mistake you swore you’d never make again.

But you do.

And that’s why forgiveness has to be intentional. Ongoing. Repeated. 
Not because you’re weak — but because you’re worth the effort.

I used to think forgiving myself meant I was letting myself off the hook. 
Now I see it for what it is: permission to heal.

So yeah, I’ve had to forgive myself more times than I can count. 
But every time I do, the voice of shame gets a little quieter. 
And the voice of grace — the one I’ve spent years trying to believe — gets a little louder.

If you’re stuck in the loop, don’t worry. 
You’re not broken. 
You’re just human.

And forgiveness? 
It’s a subscription worth renewing.